Working Through "Being A Girl pt. 3"

Several months ago, I made a series of three drawings that I felt represented what being a girl felt like. These three drawings have elements of nature, household objects and animals in them. They are trying to convey certain feelings I have had in my life. Feelings of being quiet, isolated, mourning/grieving, or simply enjoying my own company. But never really feeling alone because I am always there.

These drawings have a really different feeling both while making them and in the end-result than the mode I enter to make a painting. They feel quick and true. And simple. Keeping mostly graphite as the main medium but adding selective areas of information with colored pencil. I like the simplicity of how that looks.

One of them in particular I feel would translate well into a painting; 'Being A Girl pt. 3'. There is a main geometric shape that the girl is centered in, and the natural elements around her are not able to enter it, except for the ocean waves that are washing up. I began turning it into a painting last week, and I only started taking some progress shots until after the underdrawing was done. I don't usually do underdrawings, except in this situation where I am trying to maintain the original feeling of the graphite picture. To attempt this, I am using limited and selective moments of color within the image. We'll see how it goes...

Here is the drawing. Quiet and simple: she is in an ocean trance

I began with a gesso and marble dust primed loose canvas that I tacked to the wall. It's about 2.5 by 4 feet. My main objective here was to keep the original integrity of the first image through proportions/the spacing of everything. Also, adding some color in areas to play around with options. At this point it feels like a puzzle I am trying to assemble while referencing the drawing. Its a game with myself of matching shapes to shapes, feelings to feelings.

Adding my areas of color. Not loving it but remaining hopeful

At these stages I'm not loving it. It feels choppy and not really cohesive. This happens when I reference something; when my mind is preoccupied with making sure it looks like my source, I lose some of the flow state. But there are elements I'm enjoying at this stage so I remain hopeful that once the overall 'map' is set, I can make each part feel connected. Also- at this point I am still trying so hard to maintain the look of a drawing that I feel scared to add any color to her face. But I know that keeping these choppy white parts are what makes the eye confused.

These are some moments that I'm liking. I like the funny shape of her feet and how certain elements are connecting.

I've added some color to her face, but end up wiping it down. At this point I am excited to add the flower pattern to the blanket

Adding one flower at a time. I love doing this

Having the red flowers helps me visualize the picture better as a whole. At this point, I was realized the head and face were too small for me, so I covered them to rework those areas. I am trying to let this be funky, simple, and most of all to achieve that good feeling when making a picture. Also, through trusting myself and being selective about what internal voices to listen to are how I will forge forward and feel good about this image. There is more work to do, but this is my start. To be continued... :)